CUPID BURNT CRISPY
Cupid is most famous for being the immortal love god of Roman mythology. To some, he’s just an adorable nudist angel who employs archery as a tool for matchmaking. He’s smarter than he looks. How else could he write off his archery addiction and nudist activities at tax time?
Cupid also oversees a consulting business for those with relationship problems. After centuries of expertise in matchmaking and controlled studies of his clients under close observation, he’s acquired the right blend of knowledge, perception, and perhaps a touch of cynicism. As Cupid would say, “I’ve had it! I’m done. Kaput. Don’t bother me.”
Cupid is a little burned out. Perhaps he never had the advantage. Cupids are born on Valentine’s Day, but this one’s mom had a rough time getting him out. Turns out he stubbornly clung to her uterine wall, trying to avoid fate. He was eventually delivered via C-section at 12:23 a.m. on Feb. 15. This set the stage for a unique Cupid who’s always a day late and somewhat off.
Due to finally cashing in on centuries of vacation days, Cupid is not always available, which explains the soaring divorce rate, the high numbers of single adults, and generally poor choices among those who are coupled.
Cupid, come back. We need you.