Tag Archives: Cupid

O Holy Fright

The knock on the door rustled me out of a nap gone wrong. Imagine my surprise in my state of grog when I found this creature at the door. I prayed it was a nightmare from which I’d awake, but no such luck. This vision was no leftover from the REM state.

When this … thing showed up, my first thought was: Great! Another loser who expects a matchmaking miracle. My wrong. This was a different unwelcome guest commonly known as a process server.

She handed me this:




I’m sued for malpractice.

This is the night that matchmaking went wrong.

(Sung to the tune of “O Holy Night.”)

Apparently they created a new tort, Matchmaking Malpractice, just for me. The complaint cites allegations of fraud, negligence, infliction of emotional distress, and other ridiculous ingratitude for my services.

Should I fight it? Hide out and take that sabbatical?

Dear Readers, does anyone have a job more thankless?

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Posted by on August 18, 2011 in All In A Day's Work


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Equal Rights Among Mythological Creatures

Don’t expect much from this post. If it stinks, so much the better. See, it’s August and I don’t feel like working. Everyone’s on vacation. Santa Claus busts his butt during December and hibernates the rest of the year, sunning in Paradise Island, eating Conch and sipping Bahama Mamas.

When I complained, Santa consoled me by saying he’d originally wanted the Cupid position, even applied for the job, but in the end, I got it because I looked sexier in the Cupid suit. Can’t argue with that. Still, look at this slob. I’d trade sexy any day for his life.

He says he needs the peaceful atmosphere in the Bahamas because he spends his time brainstorming about the next Christmas and ways to bless the children of the world. It’s really a sacrifice to be away from the Mrs., the reindeer, even the little elves, but the calm and quiet helps his creativity to flourish. I don’t know. I have my suspicions he’s not that good with time management.

And don’t get me started on the Easter bunny. At least Santa works his ass off once he gets in gear, but what does the Easter Bunny actually do? Lazy hare if you ask me. I think he’s a myth. No, I mean a real myth.

And how about that Tooth Fairy? Not just a slacker, but a con artist. She has the balls to charm parents into doing her work, without compensation, while she sits back and files her nails. Don’t think I haven’t reported her to corporate. As if they’d do anything. As I write, she’s probably flitting her wings on the lap of someone on top. Or occasionally on bottom. I wouldn’t know.

Hammock Santa from

Drunk Santa from

Fairy Graffiti from

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Posted by on August 11, 2011 in All In A Day's Work


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Difference Between Sexes

Men and women aren’t so different.

A heart is just an ass upside down.

Photo from

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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in All In A Day's Work


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Before and After

My high school reunion is coming up so I decided to put together some photos for the reunion album. This first one was taken on prom night. As you can see, I was a hottie.

This next one was taken after many years and even more helpings of Psyche’s cooking.  Go ahead and laugh, but the extra pounds come packed with a lot of personal character and accumulated wisdom.

I think my classmates will recognize me. I’m still hot. Don’t you agree?

Prom night painting, 1817, with a little help from Jacques-Louis David.

The hot, sexy middle-aged devil found here.


Posted by on July 31, 2011 in Photos


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Fight, fight, fight!

Don’t fight it.

Love always wins.

Painting by Federico Zuccaro, circa 1600, at Getty Museum in Los Angeles

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Posted by on July 28, 2011 in Photos


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Eat Sh*t and Sigh

I still don’t get the fixation on cats, but I accept it. Mostly, but some things are too gross, even for me.

I’ll bet you’re wondering, Is that what it looks like? If you guessed kitty litter, then Bingo! You get the prize — a delicious slice of Kitty Litter Cake. Hmmmm, don’t you want to sink your teeth in? That’s taking “loving the cat” to a whole new level, but people do crazy things for love. They’re nuts about their cats and we all take a lot of crap for the sake of love. Just not literally.

However, if you’re intrigued, I’ve linked the recipe below and have even adapted it here if you want to use organic ingredients and bake it from scratch. Just pick your favorite cake recipe and spread the batter in a baking pan. Next, borrow your neighbor’s cat and lightly stick his ass over the pan. Let him sit at least 3 minutes at room temperature while he provides the sprinkles. Bon appetit!

Photo and recipe for Kitty Litter Cake here.


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The Arrow’s Tip: If It Feels Wrong, It Probably Is

Cupid: Today’s question is from a reader who married the wrong guy and sort of knew before she said “I do.” I asked her, “Whythehelljadoit!? Her response? “He looked good on paper.” So what? I know someone who draws people and he’s pretty good, but I’m not about to marry his subjects just because they look good on paper.

Sophie: She just got tired of the search.

Cupid: If you’re tired, take a nap. If you’re in love, get married.

Sophie: It’s easy to confuse fatigue and love. They both wear you out!

Cupid: And both feelings ultimately lead to the same destination: the bedroom. What a coincidence considering you could be anywhere in the house, or outside the house, and still end up there. What are the odds of that?

Sophie: It’s a whole different story once you reach the bedroom, though. If you’re tired, go to sleep. If you’re in love, make more of it. But if you’re lovemaking, you don’t want to fall asleep.

Cupid: Who wants a sleeping partner? You can get one of those at the morgue and cadavers won’t give you any back talk. Although I admit, they’re cold and stiff. Not that I would know.

Sophie: Not to mention, if you’re tired, you won’t enjoy it. That’s when you buy a card just for the occasion that says, “Temporarily closed for business.” Place it in the nether regions and get some zzzzz’s.

Cupid: Think of the bedroom as a multi-purpose facility. Some  rooms aren’t so confusing. If you’re hungry, you don’t go to the bathroom. You go to the kitchen, and then you go to the bathroom. The bottom line is if you’re tired of the hunt and want to marry so you can finally sit down, don’t. Once you sit down, it’s harder to get back up and sitting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, unless you’re sitting next to the one you love.

Caricature/Illustrator Photo from

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Posted by on July 20, 2011 in The Arrow's Tip


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