Don’t expect much from this post. If it stinks, so much the better. See, it’s August and I don’t feel like working. Everyone’s on vacation. Santa Claus busts his butt during December and hibernates the rest of the year, sunning in Paradise Island, eating Conch and sipping Bahama Mamas.
When I complained, Santa consoled me by saying he’d originally wanted the Cupid position, even applied for the job, but in the end, I got it because I looked sexier in the Cupid suit. Can’t argue with that. Still, look at this slob. I’d trade sexy any day for his life.
He says he needs the peaceful atmosphere in the Bahamas because he spends his time brainstorming about the next Christmas and ways to bless the children of the world. It’s really a sacrifice to be away from the Mrs., the reindeer, even the little elves, but the calm and quiet helps his creativity to flourish. I don’t know. I have my suspicions he’s not that good with time management.
And don’t get me started on the Easter bunny. At least Santa works his ass off once he gets in gear, but what does the Easter Bunny actually do? Lazy hare if you ask me. I think he’s a myth. No, I mean a real myth.
And how about that Tooth Fairy? Not just a slacker, but a con artist. She has the balls to charm parents into doing her work, without compensation, while she sits back and files her nails. Don’t think I haven’t reported her to corporate. As if they’d do anything. As I write, she’s probably flitting her wings on the lap of someone on top. Or occasionally on bottom. I wouldn’t know.
Hammock Santa from www.myfunnyworld.net
Drunk Santa from www.visualjokes.com/
Fairy Graffiti from www.publicdomain.net