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Tag Archives: Relationships

Lovers’ Quarrel with WordPress

WordPress and I had our first fight. Before I hash it out, let me be clear that this doesn’t change our status. I’m in love with WordPress and even the best relationships occasionally run into a rough patch. It’s just that the behavior was so unexpected.

When I had hit the Publish button of my last post, Difference Between Sexes, a message flashed back that said something like, “Dope! Your post contained only 17 words!” Now I was tired and having a rough week so at first, I squinted thinking I hadn’t read it right. As I refocused, the word “Dope” continued to heckle me. I know it’s the internet, but I’d really thought WordPress was above name-calling.

I thought, How dare you call me a dope, WP! I get that you’re into communicative bloggers, but it’s not as if I’m the silent type who takes up space with barely a grunt. I’ve had a rough week, I’m not feeling great, so give me some slack. Plus, I inserted a picture in my post, which we all know is worth a thousand words and, yes, I just used a cliche, but it’s a good one because it brings my word count up to 1,017. Even if it doesn’t, one of the infamous 17 words, “aren’t,” is a contraction. If I’d said “are not” and tipped the scale at 18 words, would you have been happier? At what point does the word count satisfy and please you? I mean, really, what’s next — a message to pick up my unused widgets because they clutter the sidebar?

Once I cooled down, I considered that just as I had had a rough week and my resources were low, words and otherwise, perhaps WordPress was also having a less-than-stellar time. We all say things under pressure. When you’re in a relationship, you try to take these things into consideration. You make an effort to see where your partner is coming from.

Once I got past my initial indignation, I chose to forgive WordPress. That’s what you do when you’re in love. I considered that WordPress was allowed to have its moment, a fall from grace, entitled to be less than perfect just like me and everyone else. Besides, its awesome qualities so overshadow any moment of weakness or insanity that we all succumb to from time to time.

Before I knew it, I began to fantasize about WordPress’s beauty. Its themes are like no other and yet its superior intellect boasts capabilities that outshine the rest. If that weren’t enough, its so helpful in clearly explaining those things I don’t understand. I’d never want to be partnered with any other blog site. WordPress can beat up any of them without question. But it won’t because it’s nice like that.

I have only this to say to WordPress: Because I adore you, let’s forgive and move on. Together, of course. I expressed that in less than 17 words and yet it’s all that’s needed — succinct with a sincere heart.

I have a great idea that would really mend things between us. Let’s start a new page. And while we’re at it, how about some makeup sex?

Sparring Photo from photobucket.com

Apologies for not being able to locate the source for the second most-awesome photo.

 
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Posted by on August 5, 2011 in All In A Day's Work

 

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Difference Between Sexes

Men and women aren’t so different.

A heart is just an ass upside down.

Photo from myfunnyworld.net

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in All In A Day's Work

 

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The Arrow’s Tip: If It Feels Wrong, It Probably Is

Cupid: Today’s question is from a reader who married the wrong guy and sort of knew before she said “I do.” I asked her, “Whythehelljadoit!? Her response? “He looked good on paper.” So what? I know someone who draws people and he’s pretty good, but I’m not about to marry his subjects just because they look good on paper.

Sophie: She just got tired of the search.

Cupid: If you’re tired, take a nap. If you’re in love, get married.

Sophie: It’s easy to confuse fatigue and love. They both wear you out!

Cupid: And both feelings ultimately lead to the same destination: the bedroom. What a coincidence considering you could be anywhere in the house, or outside the house, and still end up there. What are the odds of that?

Sophie: It’s a whole different story once you reach the bedroom, though. If you’re tired, go to sleep. If you’re in love, make more of it. But if you’re lovemaking, you don’t want to fall asleep.

Cupid: Who wants a sleeping partner? You can get one of those at the morgue and cadavers won’t give you any back talk. Although I admit, they’re cold and stiff. Not that I would know.

Sophie: Not to mention, if you’re tired, you won’t enjoy it. That’s when you buy a card just for the occasion that says, “Temporarily closed for business.” Place it in the nether regions and get some zzzzz’s.

Cupid: Think of the bedroom as a multi-purpose facility. Some  rooms aren’t so confusing. If you’re hungry, you don’t go to the bathroom. You go to the kitchen, and then you go to the bathroom. The bottom line is if you’re tired of the hunt and want to marry so you can finally sit down, don’t. Once you sit down, it’s harder to get back up and sitting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, unless you’re sitting next to the one you love.

Caricature/Illustrator Photo from http://wtfoodge.com

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2011 in The Arrow's Tip

 

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Slice it, Dice It, Ice It

I’m slipping out of bed, careful not to wake Psyche. This was one of our rougher patches. She just bought a set of Ginsu knives from the Home Shopping Network. Not her best idea but nobody listens to my opinion. Meanwhile, her plans for slicing and dicing included much more than cucumber. Don’t look surprised and could you please not stare? You think Lorena Bobbitt was the first woman to make shish kabob?

L’Amour et Psyche, 1817, by Francois-Eduoard Picot.

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2011 in Photos

 

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The Arrow’s Tip: Where to Park your Tongue

Cupid: Every Thursday, we dish it up straight from the Arrow’s Tip. I respond to your emails with advice from the love master himself. And when he’s not around, you get me. It’s free so don’t complain.

The Arrow’s Tip is all about love or the lack thereof because, honestly, what’s the diff? It’s all suffering. Sometimes we offer the guy’s perspective and for my female clientele, I invited guest blogger Sophie the Card because I’m considerate like that. Allow me to introduce the Card herself.

Sophie: Delighted!

Cupid: This week’s question is from a dude who arranged a first date without my influence and now that he screwed things up, he wants my advice. I should’ve sent him away, but I’m an old softy, in case no one’s noticed. So this guy and girl are out having a good time, slurping lattes and she’s laughing at his jokes. The giggles make him think, “Wow, she’s hot — hot for me!”

One joke leads to another and before you know it, he sticks his tongue down her throat. Not a good time to take the tongue out of the garage for a spin. She abruptly pulls back and gives him the stink eye. Her eye can beat up his tongue any day. He says, “Whoa! I thought you were into me. You laughed at my jokes.”

Sophie: Haha! That’s funny, but don’t get any ideas. To answer the man with the overactive tongue, just because a woman laughs at your jokes doesn’t mean she’s ready for your tongue to move into her mouth. It just means she thinks you’re funny.

Cupid: And what’s a laugh? Just a hiccup having an orgasm.

Sophie: You don’t want to stick your tongue down a new acquaintance’s throat unless she specifically asks, “Would you mind terribly sticking your tongue down my throat? Because it’s that time of the month and my esophagus needs a little intimacy.” If that happens, you have my blessing. Otherwise, hold your tongue.

Cupid: Well, there you have it, straight from the Card. I could just puke.

When to Kiss

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2011 in The Arrow's Tip

 

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