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Tag Archives: Romance

Difference Between Sexes

Men and women aren’t so different.

A heart is just an ass upside down.

Photo from myfunnyworld.net

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in All In A Day's Work

 

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The Arrow’s Tip: If It Feels Wrong, It Probably Is

Cupid: Today’s question is from a reader who married the wrong guy and sort of knew before she said “I do.” I asked her, “Whythehelljadoit!? Her response? “He looked good on paper.” So what? I know someone who draws people and he’s pretty good, but I’m not about to marry his subjects just because they look good on paper.

Sophie: She just got tired of the search.

Cupid: If you’re tired, take a nap. If you’re in love, get married.

Sophie: It’s easy to confuse fatigue and love. They both wear you out!

Cupid: And both feelings ultimately lead to the same destination: the bedroom. What a coincidence considering you could be anywhere in the house, or outside the house, and still end up there. What are the odds of that?

Sophie: It’s a whole different story once you reach the bedroom, though. If you’re tired, go to sleep. If you’re in love, make more of it. But if you’re lovemaking, you don’t want to fall asleep.

Cupid: Who wants a sleeping partner? You can get one of those at the morgue and cadavers won’t give you any back talk. Although I admit, they’re cold and stiff. Not that I would know.

Sophie: Not to mention, if you’re tired, you won’t enjoy it. That’s when you buy a card just for the occasion that says, “Temporarily closed for business.” Place it in the nether regions and get some zzzzz’s.

Cupid: Think of the bedroom as a multi-purpose facility. Some  rooms aren’t so confusing. If you’re hungry, you don’t go to the bathroom. You go to the kitchen, and then you go to the bathroom. The bottom line is if you’re tired of the hunt and want to marry so you can finally sit down, don’t. Once you sit down, it’s harder to get back up and sitting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, unless you’re sitting next to the one you love.

Caricature/Illustrator Photo from http://wtfoodge.com

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2011 in The Arrow's Tip

 

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Ingratitude

Valentines Cupid
Make up your mind, Lady. You hire me to do a job and now you want to cancel? No refunds in less than 24 hours. A deal’s a deal. And what’s with going over my head and calling on the Big Guy?

See what I put up with? I do a job and all I get is attitude.

 
 

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The Arrow’s Tip: Where to Park your Tongue

Cupid: Every Thursday, we dish it up straight from the Arrow’s Tip. I respond to your emails with advice from the love master himself. And when he’s not around, you get me. It’s free so don’t complain.

The Arrow’s Tip is all about love or the lack thereof because, honestly, what’s the diff? It’s all suffering. Sometimes we offer the guy’s perspective and for my female clientele, I invited guest blogger Sophie the Card because I’m considerate like that. Allow me to introduce the Card herself.

Sophie: Delighted!

Cupid: This week’s question is from a dude who arranged a first date without my influence and now that he screwed things up, he wants my advice. I should’ve sent him away, but I’m an old softy, in case no one’s noticed. So this guy and girl are out having a good time, slurping lattes and she’s laughing at his jokes. The giggles make him think, “Wow, she’s hot — hot for me!”

One joke leads to another and before you know it, he sticks his tongue down her throat. Not a good time to take the tongue out of the garage for a spin. She abruptly pulls back and gives him the stink eye. Her eye can beat up his tongue any day. He says, “Whoa! I thought you were into me. You laughed at my jokes.”

Sophie: Haha! That’s funny, but don’t get any ideas. To answer the man with the overactive tongue, just because a woman laughs at your jokes doesn’t mean she’s ready for your tongue to move into her mouth. It just means she thinks you’re funny.

Cupid: And what’s a laugh? Just a hiccup having an orgasm.

Sophie: You don’t want to stick your tongue down a new acquaintance’s throat unless she specifically asks, “Would you mind terribly sticking your tongue down my throat? Because it’s that time of the month and my esophagus needs a little intimacy.” If that happens, you have my blessing. Otherwise, hold your tongue.

Cupid: Well, there you have it, straight from the Card. I could just puke.

When to Kiss

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2011 in The Arrow's Tip

 

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